Who are you people?
We're a dedicated band of heavy drinkers who think it's a good idea to sully the image of a beloved Christmas icon with a night of booze and debauchery.

Booze and debauchery? Sign me up!
Excellent! Come to Beeks in downtown Monroe, Mich., the night of December 19 and get your drink on. It costs $10, but all the money is going to Toys for Tots. Oh, and wear a Santa suit.

A Santa suit? Do I have to?
Yes.

What if I don't have a Santa suit?
I would suggest you find one.

Getting a Santa suit is a pain in the ass. How about if I just wear a Santa hat?
Hey, buddy, I don't make the rules. We're going to have to see, at minimum a santa hat and a red track suit, or you can't play. (see the Pictures for more ideas)

I have this penguin costume. Can I wear that?
Why do you have a penguin costume?

Long story. Anyway, penguins are all wintery and stuff. Can I wear it?
Yes, you can wear the penguin costume. Or a reindeer suit, or an elf outfit or any other getup that puts you in the holiday drinkin' spirit. Just don't puss out and show up in jeans and a t-shirt, or a dozen Santas will put the boots to you. You won't like Santa when he's angry.

I'm a girl. Won't I look stupid in a Santa suit?
Yes. Sexy Mrs. Santa and Sexy Elf are excellent alternative costumes for you, young lady.

Okay, I think I have this straight: I wear a Santa suit or other suitable holiday costume, go to a bunch of bars and wake up the next morning ruing the day I was born and trying to figure out how to get vomit out of a fake beard.
That's about the size of it, yeah.

Why would I do that, again?
Because it's awesome.

No, really.
Look, maybe you should just stay home with a 12-pack of Natty Light and "A Charlie Brown Christmas." Those of us with a spirit of fun, a sense of humor and a blatant disregard for the sensibilities of others will be at Monroe Santarchy.